TREASURING

 

Today my grandmother forgot how photos worked. She looked at the picture of a kid in the magazine and thought he was smiling at her. It was a weird thing to see - to see her let go of her understanding of memories.

It was sad to know that she would not remember a thousand good days but it also meant she experienced every moment afresh.

There is bound to be some confusion when she sees herself on some of those photos. But I will deal with the flurry of emotions if it means she smiles back at everyone who smiles at her through the prints, so full of joy.

I always thought memories became important because of their ability to be shared ; that nostalgia was what made certain experiences worth going through.

My grandmother's gummy smile today tells a different story. Memories are important because they can be felt (maybe only one time, maybe many many times)

This revelation is a turning point for me - because with the idea that memories gained their worth due to the ability to be treasured, came the inevitable sadness of discovering their true worth when they were gone. It made me think of Gollum - did he ever love 'his precious' more than when the cursed halfling took it? My answer today is that he did.

Because treasuring is never only the longing for a lost moment, it is also cherishing something in the here and now.

There is happiness in letting go and there is happiness in experiencing things only for a moment. There is also happiness in preserving a long lost moment. Maybe all happiness is bittersweet in its essence.